Hazy Shade of Winter
by angel white
Summary: Everything is not as it seems.. couples who seemed happy are split apart, those who yearn for those they cannot have are always hurt in the end.. ice is not perfect, for it melts.
1. The Prologue

Hazy Shade of Winter

: -: -: -: -: -: 

The Prologue ~. ^

Angel_Charity, this is for you and your contest…you'll see why, even if not in this part. 

: -: -: -: -: -:

Innocent relationships are what start it all.

Illusion.

Light strays to alight the darken paths of the forgotten. Hope is lost and is rarely ever found again unless it is burning in one's soul.

Fate ends it.

The wind whispers softly to whoever will listen. 

: -: -: -: -: -:

Winter. It was in the air. The cool, crisp, clean air that blew around, leaving ice and cold in their path. Snowflakes trickled to the ground like shining pieces of glitter, unless they grew clumped and more solid, less fresh and perfect. It was only the end of November, however the blizzards had started somewhat earlier that year.

The park is beautiful in the winter - autumn's leaves are far-gone, leaving the bark bare and brittle. The green sleeps until the spring come again. 

Ice-skaters often seen twisting along the frozen pond. Happy, dancing little feet, slipping, sliding, gracefully or not so, it didn't matter. Or over on the hill, where little children throw snowballs and go sledding with each other on those perfect, clear days after a fresh snowfall. _Perfect_.

Her shawl glided about her like mist, her coat was cleverly fastened, with soft fuchsia-colored earmuffs, which matched her shawl, mittens and glittery ice-skates, which she held in her lap, as she was sitting on a bench, watching the scenery fly by, waiting.

"Kari?" her name rang across the snow-covered ground and the chilled air, the owner of the voice having a set of blue eyes and blonde hair, wearing a hat on top of it, and the voice was clear. Chipper.

"Takeru." She responded, and he was at her side in an instant, holding his own ice-skates, turquoise and gold, and he looks into her fawn colored eyes and smiles. 

"Ready?"

Of course she is. Soon his skates are on, and he helps her put hers on, the skates he had gotten her for her birthday, which was much earlier in the year, just for this occasion. 

"They're lovely!" She had exclaimed, as she examined them, the shawl, the earmuffs, loving every moment of it, and even forgot about the upcoming summer, for a chance to be on the ice again. That was after the previous year, when she ha sprained her ankle. Now she was going to take it slow.

"As ready as you are." She chirped, and her cheeks are rosy and full of color and together they glide onto the ice, and he helps her. She is feeling free the wind is fresh and cool and she takes a deep breath. She feels like it's flying, fast and free.

"Perfect." She says, after she returns to him, from getting her balance, from doing figure eight's. Just like she used to. Just how she likes it.

Takeru smiles. _'What would I ever do without you?'_ he thinks, as his hands round her waist, and they hold each other in the stillness, then slowly begin to skate to a music that they both can hear.

What would I ever do.

Don't ever leave me, Kari.

: -: -: -: -: -:

A new dawn had already arrived in the eastern sky. It is a new day; ice and snow still linger, though in the busiest of places the beauty in it is already destroyed.

And yet, as it nears the close, something happened that surprised them all.

: -: -: -: -: -:

Voices.

He tries to open his eyes. What's going on. What happened.

A blur, it all was.

__

What happened? -

Looks like here was a bit of an accident here. Motorcycle gangs… kids always think they're so tough. -

Are they both okay? -

He opened his eyes, revealing a shocking blue to those who were standing near him. His blonde hair matted down, his helmet having been removed by the EMT's. 

"Matt!" called a relieved sounding voice. He redirected his gaze. There was Mimi, standing a few feet away, wide-eyed and completely pale.

"I'm fine." He mumbled as he tried to sit up. Except for, oh, ah my leg!" the numbness he had felt for a moment suddenly disappeared as he looked at it, a wave of pain washed over him. "Broken. I see." 

His leather coat was still reasonably fine, but his jeans were ripped and ragged, his leg had been shattered.

"What happened?" the general collective voices all asked in unison. But he shook his head. _'That idiot Kamiya…I hope this knocks some sense into that fat head of his.'_

He turned his head. Tai was sitting up, talking to his sister.

'Figures. I take the brunt of the collision.' He thought, slightly furious, but a calming voice told him inside, _'easy, keep it easy Ishida.'_

__

The Garage and the Hangout, both places where motorbike gangs frequented. Some of the ones who were members of this particular one were most involved with the 'Digimon' era, or so they called it. Both Matt and Tai were part of the same motorbike gang, and, as usual, they had been previously arguing about who should be the leader, and the group could not decide, for they both had leadership qualities and were amazing bikers. 

Matt had said, "…that's it, I give up, I will leave, I will start anew on my own, and change my name from 'Ice Archer' to 'Lone Star'. Tai had snorted.

"Well, if you really want to settle this, one on one, then I challenge you to a race, with use of tricks and stuff. If you win, I will kindly step down, if I win, you can do what you want. My challenge, my rules: I would suggest you bring a 'second' with you." He stopped a moment, and looked towards where his sister was standing, and smiled at her. "Parker, Drew and Kitten will judge. We're taking the 'Shiruba' Route."

Several of the other members' mouths dropped open. Matt glared at him with his piercing blue eyes. "That's only for summer, you dolt," He hissed. "It's not safe."

"Oh ho, scared are you?" Taichi laughed. "I was under the impression that even though I'm the best rider around here, you were at least second best. I prefer the long extensions, the more tricks the better."

Once Tai made up his mind, there was no backing him down for it. And the group didn't want him to leave, to give up either. 'I don't want to let them down, but this is insane.'

None of them wanted to look 'chicken' in front of Tai either. He was known to gloat, especially lately.

"You're higher than a kite, Kamiya, but I'll bite." Matt said angrily. Tai smirked. "Reciting poetry now, eh?" he turned around to face the other members. "Daisuke, You're with me. I suppose you're picking Takeru," He said, turning back to face Matt.

Matt hesitated. Takeru hated riding, especially when it wasn't necessary. But he was there now, talking to Kari, and with a resolved look on his face turned around. "Fine," he said. "So let's get this over with."

Matt nodded towards Tai, who stuck out his hand, and they stalked off to the garage, followed by Daisuke and Takeru, who were keeping their distance. Miyako, who was standing on the other side of Kari, whispered to her, "I hope they know what they're doing."

"So do I." Kari sighed, wrapping her shawl tightly around her. "Come on, let's go into The Hangout and wait there."

Matt shook himself out of his memory. That's what happened all right. And one little accident because Tai wanted to play games. Total and complete wipe out.

Still, a line stuck in his mind. _'Higher than a kite, Kamiya.' _He had said. Was he really? Or was that the true Tai, being thickheaded as usual?

Mimi came next to him and put her arms around him. "I can see that you're upset about this, Matt." She said softly. He looked into her amber eyes and reached out to touch her hair, golden tendrils of honey.

"Mimi, swear to me, that you will never start riding."

She smiled. "Of course I wouldn't! I'm much too clumsy anyway. I rather watch you. Tai is such a show off…" she looked down at his leg. "I hope that it heals soon. It would be a shame if you missed the winter fun."

"Well, I guess I'll have to suffer on the sidelines while I watch you skate in that new sequined skirt." He said smiling despite the pain, of the thought, the plan, and the idea. "And Ice-Archer goes solo for now on."

Solo. No more arguing with Tai let him be leader. It's what he wants.

Quitting the team; wasn't that what he did best? What did the team do for him anyway? A broken leg? 

They are inside the ambulance now; the wailing sirens had long arrived. As they lifted him onto the stretcher, he thought _'Thank god it wasn't worse. But it could have been…it could have.'_


	2. Cold Winter Days

Hazy Shade of Winter - 1

: -: -: -: -: -:

This takes place about a month after the prologue. I don't think I'll be able to make your deadline after all… I was away for 5 days. I know it's not that good, but…

: -: -: -: -: -:

__

Time, time, time…

See what's become of me…

While I looked around

For more possibilities

I was so hard to please…

: -: -: -: -: -:

[Hikari]

Even now, as I stand with a smile on my face, I could only wonder how it would be if I weren't myself, if I were seeing myself through the views of other people. It's hard for me to do that, to put myself in that kind of situation. 

There's no one else that I can be, or anyone else that can actually be me. So I wonder if it is actually physically possible, for us to be soul mates, if we really don't fit together at all.

__

Am I the light of your life?

[/Hikari]

: -: -: -: -: -:

[Taichi]

Haze.

Haze surrounds me. I can't stop it, rather welcome it. The feeling of floating on air. There's no other way for me to survive. Even now, it thins, and I feel lonely and miserable again.

I pushed myself too hard. 

What I need is a little pick-me-up.

No. I can't. 

__

Yes. You will.

"I will."

[/Taichi]

: -: -: -: -: -:

"Hello! I'm sorry to inconvenience you with this thing, but I am rather busy, and it speaks for itself. You know what to do after the tone. I'll listen."

*Beep*

"Hey, I know it's been a long time. I just wanted to ask you something that I think is important. I'll call you back later."

*Click*

: -: -: -: -: -:

Their hands touched again, meeting in the now empty popcorn bowl, instinctually their faces met, each of them beaming. "I guess that means the movie's over." He said, shrugging. His blonde hair fell into his face a moment, shielding the blue of his eyes, and with a quick movement of his wrist flicked it back where it was originally. She smiled, watching him, and then realized that the tape that they were watching had turned off, and that it probably had been off for a while without them noticing.

"Yes, what did you think of it?" She asked as she got up to turn off the television. He shrugged. "Well, to be honest…" He paused, glancing at the cover of the tape, an old Godzilla movie. His eyes lit up. "I was too distracted…"

She burst out laughing. "Were you now? Though I must admit, you never were far from my eyes…"

Now it was his turn to laugh. "So much for that."

"Wait here," She said after a moment, then smirked. "Sorry…"

He was laughing too. "It's hard to forget sometimes, isn't it."

"I guess…" she slid off the couch. "Trust me, this will make you feel a lot better."

He kept his eyes on her as she walked out of the room. _'Lovely figure,'_ he thought as he examined her curves from his viewpoint_. 'But an even better personality. That's what matters most. God, I'm so lucky…'_ his eyes then turned to his bandaged up leg, _'or…maybe not._'

When she returned to him he laid back on the couch, eyes closed. Her hand ran through his hair, her fingers gentle. She dipped the cloth into the warm water and bathed his forehead gently. 

"Now that, feels good." He said.

"As good as this?" she replaced the cloth, tilted his head back and planted a kiss on his lips.

"No," he said, when she had pulled away, opening one eye and smiling, loving when her soft, tantalizing lips were upon his own, feeling like a million bucks despite his predicament. "Not as good as that."

"Oh, you're so easy to please." Mimi laughed. He shrugged, but his eyes were sparkling. Then he frowned.

"You should be getting home. It is late." He said reluctantly, looking at the clock.

"I suppose," She said softly. "I'll clean up though."

"Oh no, you don't have to do that." He protested. She winked. "I want to."

With that, she got up and took the plates into the kitchen.

__

'What a gal,' he thought, as he heard the water running. She was washing the dishes. _'She doesn't deserve this. I'm practically a cripple for crying out loud! We had plans made! She doesn't seem to mind it, but I do, because her vacation is ruined.'_

The telephone rang. She poked her head out the kitchen area, a confused look on her face.

Yamato arched an eyebrow. "Let's not get that."

She shrugged, and disappeared, but quickly returned, drying her hands.

The machine clicked on:

"Ishida residence. Leave a message."

"You know, you ought to change that." Mimi commented. Matt laughed. "Lame, I know." he shrugged.

*Beep*

"Hey Ishida. That's _you_, Matt. Meet me tomorrow, at The Hangout. We have some…things to talk about."

*Click*

The two of them stared at each other; eyebrow's raised. "I thought that you stopped talking to him?" 

"So did I." Matt said slowly. "The guy's higher than a kite. How the hell does he expect me to get around with this?" he pointed to his leg. Mimi sighed. "Oh well. So, you going?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"This is _Tai_ we're talking about." Mimi said, rolling her eyes. "Of course you don't."

"Right," His eyes sparkled. "Whatever. See you tomorrow."

He drew her onto his lap a moment for another kiss, cupping one of his hands to her silky cheek, letting it rest a moment, then moved it down to her shoulders. After 5 minutes, they grudgingly pulled apart slowly, their eyes still locked.

"Good night, Matt." She said, and she was gone.

: -: -: -: -: -:

The world was painted in white. And the weather forecasts insisted that there would be no snow.

"It's beautiful, isn't It." she said, looking out. She was such a perfectionist. 

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine, leave me alone." I snapped. Wait, no. What am I saying.

__

It's the only way to feel good again.

"No, wait…"

: -: -: -: -: -:

The 'Hangout' was the name of the 'diner' which members of the motorbike would often frequent, if not reside there. It was one of Taichi Kamiya's favorite places. The rugged, tavern look, neon signs, glass windows which were green, next to it, the alleyway, on the other side, the garage. He worked there, which is how he joined up with the 'gangs'.

He was a leader, and the others followers. They all loved him.

Or at least, he believed them to be. But no one really said anything bad about him. They were mostly afraid to.

The bell jingled at the door, signaling that another person or group had arrived. He turned.

Matt.

Tai's thin lips curved into a smile. "So. He shows at last." 

: -: -: -: -: -:

Hikari moved some of her bangs aside and went towards Takeru, to assist him in helping Matt in, since he could barely use his leg, and wasn't balancing himself well. 

"Tai," He says, somewhat coldly. Yet this was how they usually greeted each other. He was the cool one, trying to remain calm, outwardly, though inwardly was a different story. Tai always seemed calm inside and out, except when his anger had him brimming with fire, and it was obvious that he wasn't. "So, why do you want to see me?"

"Don't you want to sit down first? You haven't been here in so long, I figured you've forgotten the decor."

Matt rolled his eyes. Nothing had _really_ changed; the faces and people were the same. Not that he supposed there would be any difference. He had passed a few of them training outside.

They take seats in the back, and as soon as they are situated, Miyako went up to them, her purple hair swinging about her shoulders and her light brown eyes shining momentarily behind the glass. "Shall there be any drinks?" she asked, arching an eyebrow. "Oh hello _Ice_- I mean, Matt. How goes it?"

Kari turned to Miyako, grinning. "You go back to your routine. I'll take care of the menu."

"Serving isn't my job anyway." She replied dryly, and the two of them bustled off. Miyako was considered as one of the Hangout's best entertainers for even at a younger she had striven to be flamboyant, and yet had a good head for numbers. She rarely ever prided in herself, but she had much intellect, and put it to good use, striving to be a comic, finding no hope in the other opportunities laid out for her.

Matt looked to Takeru, who was hovering over him, with a worried look on his face. "Why don't you go talk to the guys." Matt said, glancing about. Takeru was still a member, but only so he could be near Kari.

"You'll know where to find me." Takeru replied after a moment, and soon he left as well. Finally alone, the two men faced each other. For years they had striven to remain close friends, but considering the many times they tended to clash everything was spoken with a cool edge and some reserve. On Matt's side especially, for Tai was still mostly his old prankster self.

"I don't know how to come out and say this," Tai said, smirking, "but I just wanted you to know that I have a reservation for two at a respectable ski lodge."

"And?" Prodded Matt, drumming his fingers absently.

"Well, I checked around, and turns out no one is available…no one, except, well Mimi."

Matt smirked as well, but felt a stab of pain. _'That dirty rotten-'._ "And you've called me here to ask my permission, right? I don't own her, Tai. She could do what she wants. So why didn't you ask her yourself?" 

Playing the same old games again. 

"I did."

Matt took a sharp intake of breath. "When?"

"I called her twice last night. Before I called you, and shortly after I called you. She turned me down."

Relief flooded over Matt. "And what do you want me for?"

"Well, I was hoping you could convince her." he grinned.

"You're higher than a kite, Kamiya. You just never change," Matt narrowed his eyes. "You've never given a damn about anyone else's opinions, why should you now?" 

Tai shrugged. "I'm asking as a favor. I don't want to go alone, and I would really like it if she came along. After all, what does she do nowadays? She's slaving over _you_ every minute."

"No thanks to you." Matt snapped. _'But he does have a point.'_

'Shut up!'

Tai pushed some of his hair out of his face as it had fallen; he had such a mass of brown hair. 

"Well, please pass along the message for me."

__

'As if I would in a million years,' he thought sullenly. 

__

'Well, at least he said 'please'.'

: -: -: -: -: -:

__

He sees her falling to the floor, clasping her hand to her cheek, a bruise now visible, her eyes are wide open, was it shock, visible. Yelling. Getting up. Grabbing a bag that was on the table and running out. Footsteps after her.

She was running. Running. Gasping for air. She didn't see it. She tripped, was falling, falling, tumbled down, hit the ground in pain she cries out and gets back up. Running towards something. 'Don't get on!' he thinks rapidly, but he is not there, he can't stop her and it's too late, she's falling. Lost.

Matt opens his eyes. His heart is pounding in his ears. He is in his apartment, lying in his bed with the radio on.

"I must have dozed off…" he said aloud suddenly, hearing his voice, but it didn't feel as if he was speaking. But then why was he having these visions

This was going to happen if he didn't stop it.

__

Next time it wouldn't be a dream.

"Stop!" he yells out. Of course he had been dreaming. They must have put something in his drink at The Hangout.

__

'Stupid Kamiya, putting me on the spot like that.' He thinks. He wanted to take Mimi on vacation with him. A stinking _ski_ trip for crying out loud.

'I'm sorry I ruined our winter,' he had said to her. And she smiled back at him then. 'There's always next year. I'm not sorry. I still have you.'

Next year. 

Perhaps it would be better if she went. At least get some enjoyment in.

No. She would be with _him_. He felt a cold chill run through his body. And he will be here alone.

'I want her to enjoy herself.'

'But I don't want to stay alone,'

He found himself breaking into a cold sweat. _'Geez Louise, I have no right to be deciding things for her!'_

There was a knock on the door. He looked up to see his brother stick in his head, the golden hair mysteriously styled in a way similar to his own, the sapphire eyes searching. "Matt?"

"Yes, TK?" he asked, smiling a little as he said this. Takeru had long dumped that nickname, and Matt was probably the only person who still called him that.

"Mimi's here. Should I tell her to come in?"

__

'Oh shoot. How do I tell her?'

"Uh, sure." He said, and forced himself to smile. With a final worried glance, the blonde head disappeared and in a moment honey colored tendrils appeared, and then the face, and the body. Matt tapped a place next to him as an invitation for her to sit down, which she did. Her hands met his, and he caressed hers softly. "So…tell me what happened."

"Are you sure you want to hear this?" he joked.

__

'I want to take her in my arms and not let go.'

"Matt, I have to tell you something. Tai called me last night… I turned him down. Was that what he wanted to speak to you about?" 

He nodded, a lump forming in his throat. "About that..."

She shakes her head. "No Matt. I want to stay here with you."

"Mimi..."

"Besides, we're going to the park, remember? Skating today. I want you to watch me."

__

'I want you to watch me,' he thought. _'I want to watch you._'

Watch you watch me.

: -: -: -: -: -:

The blustery winter was all around. In the air snowflakes dangled like crystals as they fell lightly, and soon drifted away, leaving the world a frozen wonder of white. The two friends walked slowly, taking in the beauty, holding on to their pairs of skates as they headed to the main attraction of the park - the frozen arena.

Kari smiled, thinking. She and Yolei were like sisters. When one jumped, the other followed. They were in the throes of one of Miyako's favorite subjects.

"Oh yes, even I had a crush on him too way back when," Miyako was saying, half-feigned, after teasing her about their old 'crushes' that they had long ago. "But Kari, you already have several men at your beck and call. Does 'tall blonde and handsome Takeru' ring any bells?"

"Oh you!" She scolded, laughing.

Everyone knew that Kari loved Takeru. It was a running joke at the hangout. Those two couldn't be separated.

Can't be. Won't be.

"Not to mention Davis is still hung up on you." Miyako continued, but upon saying this her face flushed crimson and she looked away.

"Oh come now, you two are doing a fine job of it together," Kari laughed. "I'm not going to say a _perfect_ match, but close enough."

Yolei rolled her eyes at this, but yet she felt a sense of concern steal over her. "Speaking of _perfect_ matches…"

"What?" Kari laughed. "Don't you think you get enough of the scoop being we live in the same apartment?"

"If I recall, the last time you reported to me was yesterday. We haven't talked about anything deeper, though. Such as," Her voice took a mysterious turn, "Have you any doubts?"

Kari was used to her antics, but this one took her by surprise. "Hey, that's not fair!" She joked. "Besides, let's get going. We need to get the practice in."

"I guess." Miyako replied.

"What's wrong?" Kari asked, noticing a change in her attitude. Miyako shrugged. "Davis wants to stay late and train today, so he won't be coming to watch. But I suppose that's okay, since he only watches you."

She shifted uncomfortably. "Well, anyway we should be getting to practice."

The rest of the walk was made in silence.

: -: -: -: -: -:

Hobbling slowly he clings to her elbow with one hand as they walk together slowly down the snow-covered lane. She smiles and he talks.

"You are going to be one of the most dazzling skaters out there." He says, with a knowing smile. Her figure, her sequined dress. Soft tempting lips, roses in the cheekbones. He could never stop getting carried away when he described her, it was the easiest thing in the world for him, and he never could seem to stop, there was so much there.

She laughed, her amber eyes dancing. "Ha! That's a laugh. But having you watch me would make me feel better. Whatever would I do without you, Matt?"

__

'You'd be able to enjoy yourself for one.'

'But she is enjoying herself. Look how happy she is.'

'No! I have to make it up to her.'

"Matt?" She asked, a concerned tone in her voice. He shook his head, and his voices disappeared. 

"Sorry." He replied. "Lost myself there."

"Mmmm." Was her response, she re-wrapped her silk cream scarf around her neck. They sat down on a bench; she lifted the box with her skates and pulled off her white leather boots. "Ooh my feet are cold." She commented, quickly slipping one skate on.

"Need help?" He couldn't resist asking. She smiled. "Only if you're willing."

He smiled as he sat back afterwards, her slim figure gliding out onto the frozen water, do a couple of triple axles and skate off towards Hikari and Miyako.

: -: -: -: -: -:

Hikari seemed to be wrapped in her own world. Whenever she was on the ice she felt free, this was her perfect place, and no harm could come to her here. Miyako was less steady on her feet; she fell when they tried to show her a jump but did it with good sport.

Shaking her head after the third time she fell she shrugged. "Maybe I should give up figure skating and follow in Sora's footsteps and play ice-hockey instead."

This was met with a bout of good-natured laughter, for that's what she did best, make people laugh. Or so she thought, at any rate. She didn't seem bothered anymore that Daisuke hadn't come to watch, and the fact that both Matt and Takeru were there was more of an added bonus.

Takeru was indeed sitting with his brother and they were talking, their eyes on their respective 'girls', and cheering on Miyako.

Eventually she did get the jump right, and was met with thunderous applause. She grinned; her ears turned bright scarlet.

"We knew you had it in you all alone." Mimi smiled. Miyako shrugged. "Well like I said, I'm no real talent on my feet. I suppose I couldn't do it again even if I tried."

"Oh you!" Hikari laughed, and then waved towards Takeru, who had come out onto the ice. Miyako grinned, and said, "I'm going over to watch the hockey games now. You two have fun!"

Hikari shook her head, with a smile as Miyako glided off, and placed her gloved hands into Takeru's warm ones. Mimi also left, saying that she thought Matt was quite alone and she ought to fix that.

"Well, he's certainly enjoyed the show." Takeru laughed, winking, and soon he and Kari whisked off in the other direction and glided to music that only the two of them could hear, could share, and the wind was chilled briefly with specks of ice, small crystals began to fall again.

Angels on ice, they were called.

Mimi glided back to the bench. "Well that was a workout."

"You were fabulous." Matt said, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek after she sat down and began to remove her skates.

"Why thank you." She blushed. "You oughtn't to say things like that. Hikari's really the better skater."

"I didn't notice." Matt shrugged; ducking a playful punch Mimi threw in his direction. "But I did make a decision. Mimi… I know this may seem strange, but I want you to go on the ski trip."

"No, Matt!"

"Do it for me. Tai may be scum sometimes, but just this once... He ruined my vacation, he's going to make it up by not ruining yours."

He took her hands into his.

"Matt,"

He had an almost pleading look in his eyes. "The more we miss each other, the more we'll need each other. Our bonds will only be so much greater because of that. I can't have you here all the time when you should be doing things."

"You really want me to go," she sighed, staring into his warm blue oceans that were his eyes. "I don't want to, but if you want me to…I'll" her words broke off. "Really Matt, come on!"

"Do it for me. I swear I will make it up to you somehow."

His hand reaches out and touched one of the golden tendrils. Soft.

"I love you."

Silence passes between them. Finally she speaks again, softly, as her eyes brim with tears. "I'll go, because you asked me to. And if you change your mind, then I will be glad."

__

'Have I made a mistake?'

: -: -: -: -: -:

[Takeru]

When I look into Kari's eyes I see 

My life, my hope everything that I know was meant to be

And I know that we were meant for each other because we need each other

I love how she describes us, 

'We're perfect', she says as I am holding her close. I knew we were meant to be, I knew it for a long time, we both knew

Destiny it was foretold. Hope and light.

The light of my life shines bright.

[/Takeru]

: -: -: -: -: -:

[It is about two weeks afterwards, and Tai is picking up Mimi to go to the airport]

Mimi is sitting with Matt and Takeru outside their apartment building. She thought it best to wait there, with him, in case he changed his mind. It was only a ski trip after all. But he was so damn insistent about it, which was the only thing that bothered her. 

Takeru takes her bags and goes to put them in the car so she could get in another goodbye with Matt.

"A week isn't forever." Matt said, watching at Mimi stood up slowly. She sighed. "I was only hoping that you would change your mind."

"He ruined my vacation, I'm not letting him ruin yours. I love you, and you know that. Sometimes we have to bear the hurts. Maybe…" his voice drew off. "Maybe, after you get back, we can think about getting me to walk again."

"Maybe." She cupped her hand to his cheek and they kissed.

"Hey!" Tai called. Two minutes later Mimi pulled away from Matt. "Goodbye," she said, in a half-whisper. "I'll miss you."

__

'He better take good care of her,'

'What the hell is wrong with you anyway?'

"Please, for me. Have a good time."

Tai extended his arm to help her in, but she pulled away. "I can get in myself, thank you." She said, curtly.

Five minutes later the taxi pulled off. Takeru walked back to Matt. "It'll be okay."

"Yeah." Matt replied sullenly, watching as the snowflakes began to fall again. Swirling in the wind.

__

'I'll miss you…'

: -: -: -: -: -:


	3. Shattered Ice

Hazy Shade of Winter - 2

: -: -: -: -: -:

Perhaps it all will smooth along easier now that I've changed some of my ideas around. I just don't have that same flow of creative energy that I used to. ~.~;

: -: -: -: -: -: 

__

Look around

Leaves are brown

And the sky

Is a hazy shade of winter

: -: -: -: -: -:

They are off the plane and at the resort, breathing in the cold air deeply as it penetrates his lungs, tingling inside. This was much colder than Japan had been, or so it seemed, for they were in the throes of the mountains, far away. 

They continued to walk, snow underneath their feet, crunching only slightly. It was even the tiniest bit beautiful, Mimi admitted to herself, but felt a beach would have been more appropriate, but after all it was the winter, and she hadn't booked the trip. _'And I rather be on a beach with Yamato anyway.'_

She wrapped her coat tighter about her.

'Nadare Berugu'

Read the sign leading to one of the routes. They stopped walking, as they were outside their cabin, looking up at the mountain, as it seemed to tower in the not-too-far distance.

"_Why_ would they name it that?" her voice lifted, yet in puzzlement, as she asked, her amber eyes traveling the path of the rickety ski lift. She shuddered, at the name and the mountain, as it seemed to imply something more ominous, and yet the name seemed familiar to her. Not that it was in her own native tongue, but the fact that she had hear something about it that would suggest this. Or perhaps it was her over-reactive imagination, which sometimes _could _get out of hand.

Tai merely shrugged next to her, his brown hair in its usual disarray, clutching only his carry-on bag in his left hand. "Don't ask me." 

"I guess that it's one of those expert courses. 'Ski at your own risk.'"

He laughed. "We'll get there."

__

I can guarantee it.

She rolled her eyes, and they turned to go inside.

: -: -: -: -: -:

The sky I find is clear today. I rarely ever find it clear, anymore.

Except for a few feathery clouds. An outstretched hand, more or less. We are pretty far north. And we can see the snow already, soft and powdery fine. 

Powdery.

She's standing next to me, silent. Rigid are her shoulders and her hair. I won't deny that I feel some force of attraction. 

I have to stop the haze. 

But I can't survive without it. 

They say I can die from it, even though the sensation I get is real. _And sometimes I find myself wondering what is real, and what isn't. But whatever is real to me when I see it, I will take. And sometimes I wonder if the things that I think are really mine, or if it's someone else supplanting the words into my mind._

I hear the voices calling to me again.

: -: -: -: -: -:

"Hey now, don't look so miserable." 

Matt looked up in surprise; he hadn't really been paying attention to everything that was going on around him; they were all at his apartment, he, Takeru, Miyako and Hikari. Miyako was giving them quite a show, and only he was not paying attention.

She was right, he did look miserable. He felt it.

There was no reason for it. Then again, perhaps he wasn't good at masking it. He could imagine if Takeru and Hikari were separated, they wouldn't either. 

Miyako was miserable, but she put herself in her comedy, let herself get sucked into it while the world played around her.

Daisuke stood her up again.

Now her focus was on Matt alone, as Kari and Takeru were in their own world. They would do that often, slip off into their own world. If they were separated they probably could communicate telepathically. That was one of Yolei's theories, and they just blushed slightly, in a secret way.

One on one. This was what Miyako liked. She sat in the chair across from him, making little tut-tut noises as she looked at his cast, sitting with her legs crossed, and then folded her hands under her chin as she looked up at him, a sparkle in her light brown eyes.

"We know you're feeling pretty much like crap lately. I'm only trying to get a laugh out of you. You weren't even paying attention, and that's what made me hurt a little."

He arched an eyebrow. This coming from the acclaimed queen of comedy who believed, not only believed, but knew that she had that ability to turn a knob in somebody's brain with her sometimes very insightful, and sometimes off-kilter theories. Her objective not to be hurt, but to help cure other's hurts by making them laugh.

Yes, being apart did make the longing more realistic. And he had just proved it scientifically, but automatically assuming that she was next to him, expecting to feel the warmth of her hand but finding nothing. Miyako smiled at him, and then she swore that this week, her job was to make Matt feel good and laugh.

"That's Mimi's job." He said, but he did give in to a smile. After all, all she said and did usually reflected what was in her heart. And she felt in her heart that it wasn't mutual between her and the one that she adored. She who vowed never to let herself fall for anyone, but she couldn't help feeling hurt when those times came. 

She shrugged in response to this. "I look at it in a form of bonding. For example, look at Takeru and Hikari." She turned her head to emphasize this, and he looked as well. Hikari blushed and smiled, her rose-colored lips turning upward, yet she usually was smiling, especially when she was with Takeru. They were no longer in the conversation, but the subjects. Miyako and Matt were talking as friends, as people who at the moment were missing their respective halves. Miyako turned back to face him, smiling, continuing in her little speech. 

"Bonding. Perhaps those of us who are alone have to learn to be strong first, before sharing our strength, and that's why those who love lose a lot." She would often go out of her way to prove her statement. _Miyako is strong, _he thought. _And these bonds, perhaps we are the weak ones, who depend on others for love_.

She has a lot of those; Matt mused to himself: Theories. She could just sit and tell you about everything she had on her mind, and turn it around to make you laugh, but yet these were no laughing matters. 

Debatable, yes. The truth? Most probably. But laughing matters? Not likely.

And yet they were.

He watched as her gaze found Takeru, and laughed to himself, knowing what it meant.

__

That's silly.

: -: -: -: -: -:

[Yamato]

I felt bad a little, after Takeru, Hikari and Miyako left. Takeru was going to drive them home or something or other. What they do is their business. Right now I have none. I feel like a jerk.

I'm in the living room, propped up on the couch. Nothing's on television. How dull it is to sit and stare at the screen, expecting something, but getting nothing in return. When I was younger I loved to watch the television. I was alone then too.

Since I can't really do anything else, I sit and insult myself_. Jerk. This is your fault. Not that it matters._ It's the things I need to be told, for no one wants to hurt my feelings. But I know what I am.

If I had half a brain I would find out the name of the resort from Kari, because I __know__ that she knows, if there's anyone who's connected to Tai it's her, or Daisuke, not my favorite person in the world. It felt strange to talk to Kari, and Davis was another story. I recall a time when his sister was particularly enthralled with me, and quite frankly, she was scary. But she met an unfortunate end when she drove her car off a cliff, quite melodramatic of her.

Anyway, I said _if_ I had half a brain. My other half would pointedly remind me that I have a broken leg and not that that amounted to anything would remain useless.

That is _if_ I have any brains that amount to anything, which I obviously don't. How long will this trip be… a week, two weeks? Feels like a week already, and that it was months ago when Mimi last came to this house and left her warmness. 

It's cold now.

And at this rate it will be a year before they come back. It will be a year of winter and coldness. But I suppose I am being a bit selfish. I don't know what's right. I just hope that everything can get back to normal soon.

And is she missing me as much as I miss her.

[/Yamato]

: -: -: -: -: -:

"I hope you enjoy the accommodations, madam." Taichi said slyly, in his 'gentlemanly voice' after they inspected their cabin. They were in the small living room, which had a fireplace, as well as a television. "I'm sure I can throw together a fire and we could rent a movie or something. Later on, that is."

She shrugged, her chestnut brown hair spilling onto and around her shoulders, not realizing that her being sparked up a hunger inside Tai, for he was alone. Not noticing the underlying skepticism or if he actually were lonely. Despite his handsome-ness, scarcely after he had gotten a woman's charm they would leave him.

Of course, he wouldn't refer to it as that. The other girls at the Hangout loved him and perhaps the one girl who could have tamed his heart was long gone because she caught him kissing someone else because he couldn't keep his gentlemanly urges to himself.

"Whatever. This is your trip. I'm only a guest." She folded her arms across her chest.

"Now, first we unpack, change into proper attire, then we hit the slopes." He rubbed his palms together gleefully. "And I know just the perfect-"

He laughs as Mimi glares at him, her amber eyes holding him with an impenetrable stare. "Hey, watch it! I saw some nice easy courses on the _other_ side. That's what I meant."

She relaxed. Their cabin was closer to the expert slopes, and it would be so very like Tai, she hypothesized, to want to do something reckless like that. Look at him when he rode motorcycles.

Mimi found herself cringing. Motorcycles. Matt.

Hypothesizing. Inwardly she smiled a moment, for even using such a word, which was rare to be found in her vocabulary. Those were the good old days, when going to "The Hangout" was all in fun, and not this dark tournament of who was the best came about. 

Tai whistled to get her attention.

"Sorry, I spaced off a bit. I'm not in the mood for the slopes today, jet lag probably." 

"Oh," he said, unconcernedly. "Tomorrow then. In the meantime, we'll unpack."

She nodded then, and disappeared down the small corridor to where her room was. Tai watched after her, then smiling, disappeared into his room and closed the door. He went through most of his clothes before finding what he was looking for, and then he breathed in an excited moment.

"I refuse to be miserable."

__

Even to start. Feel free and be one with the wind.

: -: -: -: -: -:

Skating. The simple act of being free for her. It seemed a ritual now, for it seemed that most of the time that winter, especially after Matt's accident, they spent more time on the ice than at the club. She seemed to set herself free from her thoughts. It would be the only place she could be free…and yet not so.

Looking into Takeru's eyes she saw the blueness, ready to swallow her up whole. She also saw the bitter rejection that they would have for her if it ever came out…

__

No, she stopped herself. _He can never know the things that…_

She couldn't bear to see him cry. And Takeru was good. The goodness was his heart, his soul. Nothing could ever be done to damage it. He was never distant, always did his best to help their own perfect world. 

__

He's good, and better than you will ever be, so shut up.

We say this only for your own good, dear.

Yet she skated away from him, in a moment of being free. Glided smoothly on the ice. Not showing off, she thought. It was natural. 

__

Beauty is natural, and if you don't open your mouth it will stay that way.

The ice was too thin, and with a sick scraping sound she found herself falling. She screams in terror, her eyelids quickly closing. Never had she lost control like that… she extends her arms in front of her. Devastating.

__

Skate on this ice, and that's what you get.

Mommy!

Inside her mind, Kari heard a loud wail as she began to fall. The wailing wasn't just inside her. it was coming from her chest and throat and mouth. Yet even as she's in mid fall Takeru is skating up to her, but she's on the ice, sprawled out for a moment. The wailing ceases, her eyes closed.

"Hikari…." he breathes as he helps lift her onto her feet. She keeps her eyes closed. 

"It's ruined." She chokes on her words, water running out of the corners of her eyes. "It's all bitter. Gone. None of it is perfect. It isn't." and she collapses into his arms. Confusion reflected in his clear blue eyes. He keeps them balanced, and slowly maneuvers her over to the bench. The mood was shattered, like glass.

"Don't cry, Kari." He says, not knowing why she is crying. She is distant again. In her own world and refusing to let him in, for she knew that once she opened her eyes she would be lost in his, and she didn't want that. He touches her face gently, wiping away the trickling water. And they sit there, already the sun is setting, the day is lost, the darkness will envelope.

"You are perfect, Takeru. Why can't I be like you? Why can't I see myself?" 

She stops herself from breaking down, while he is lost in his own thoughts, confused.

__

Why can't you tell me what's wrong?

And her thoughts wrap around her mind when all she could hear are the meaningless words and voices for what are words, really?

: -: -: -: -: -:

[Hikari]

Sometimes I wonder if it's wrong to wish for a perfect world when it's obvious that there isn't one.

But I can strive to be happy and be myself as best as I can. As long as I can still represent the strong person to all that need me. If I am weak, I am nothing. If I fall, we all will fail.

I cry sometimes, when I hear the shattering of ice. The distilling coldness, which halts the springtime of my life in it's crystalline beauty and I sit and stare. Frozen. We all are frozen in a moving place.

But never frozen in time. If our lives stopped now there would still be a continuum of time and no one would notice the difference. And if the perfection of the world is to melt there will be nothing left to savor.

[/Hikari]

: -: -: -: -: -:

[A few days later]

The ski lift was the worst part of it. Rising higher and higher up the mountainside. They had found a simple beginner's route, which looked much safer than the expert slopes located near their cabin. It felt strange, being up in the air, with what seemed to be next to no support, but she didn't have that same chill that she had before.

This was pure nervousness, and she hated it. She adjusted her pale blue earmuffs and coat, the wind whipped around her, only a moment, and still, it wasn't as eerie.

Finally it was over with. She hopped out of the seat and went over to where Taichi was waiting, and nearly fell. But he smiled, and helped her keep her balance, steadying her by the waist.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah." She replied uncomfortably. 

"Ready?" he let go of her then, and stared earnestly into her face. Her eyes traveled away from his, out to where the whiteness spread and the trees were green against the towering blue sky.

Endless blue, like Matt's eyes, she thought with a smile, as she held onto the poles used to support her self on the skis.

"You go first, Tai."

Nodding he's already started, moving slowly at first, but quicker eventually. This is no challenge for him. Goggles on his head catch the glint of the sunlight, and she laughs and starts down herself. The spray of snow is in their wake as they continue the decent, scarves flying, laughing now, under the stretch of endless blue and over the whiteness.

__

'I'll be home soon.'

: -: -: -: -: -:

"Yo, Takashi." 

The blonde-haired boy lifted his head up from his book to see who was standing over him. A boy about the same age, only with brown hair that was wild, falling into his face, wearing a black leather jacket and holding a black helmet with the insignia '_Blade_' written across it in a orange script.

"A book?" he asks incredulously. But Takeru is used to this, and only raises an eyebrow, "What's up?" he replied. Hikari had gone off a few minutes before, and he had been alone, finishing his drink in a booth. Reading a book. He was probably the only one in The Hangout to do that, sit alone reading a book when there was much going on around.

"When was the last time you actually rode with us, man?"

Takeru forced a grin. "Why? When did it matter before? I'm not as good as you, obviously, and _Fire Warrior_, am I?"

Fire Warrior was the name that Taichi commonly used when the gangs would meet. Though they rarely used the names outside, even at the Hangout. Takeru was being a bit sarcastic. He just didn't prefer to ride with the 'risk takers'. In fact, lately, he didn't prefer to ride at all.

He smiled when he saw confusion steal over Daisuke's features. "Oh come on. We all know you claim to be as good as _Ice Archer_ is, and besides, we _have_ to train. This is our winter break, after all. You know about those new groups, right? When they found out about us losing Ice, and now Tai's gone off on vacation, we're left somewhat in the lurch, and I don't want them claiming takeover."

Miyako put a hand on his shoulder, startling him. "Hey Yolei."

She was clutching her own black helmet, with the name 'Samurai' engraved in flowing green script. _'It's getting to the point when everyone's riding again,' _Takeru noted mentally. It had been a while before they all got back into their riding gear. He himself was wearing it, and had his helmet on the table near him (the insignia 'Flying Hope'. He smiled remembering his old friend.)

Well, not _everyone_ was back riding. In the beginning, they had Sora, Joe, Koushiro, and Iori, but they left early on, the last one to leave being Sora, for personal reasons, not to explore academics. And of course, Matt would eventually ride again, but not with the group. Takeru often wondered if he should split away from the group while he could, but he was already too deeply drawn in. He frowned at Tai's choice for a replacement. _'Figures.'_

He watched the pair interact.

She smiled. "Well at least you've finally acknowledged me," but her eyes were drawn to Takeru unbeknownst to the two men, and she sighed inwardly.

Daisuke put an arm around her, yet said no more to her, returning his attention to Takeru. "You will do it for the sake of the place, right Takashi?"

"Yeah, whatever," Takeru smirked. "I'll consider it Davis, but, I'm warning you, pull a stunt like Tai did, and you're dead."

"Don't worry. This is all in the books. I'm gonna go hit the ramps. Later!" with that, he and Miyako disappeared into the hazy crowd, and Takeru shook his head, smiling, and went back to reading.

"Flying Hope?" he could barely hear the voice. He turned around to face a figure dressed in the usual gold and black, wearing a similar helmet with 'Kitten' glazed across the top in pink lettering. 

"Where have you been?" he smiled, yet thinking of the name that he had chosen. Sometimes, it could sound a bit childish, but he was still proud of it, and he would wait for the day when he got his wings.

"Oh you know, the usual. We've been having some… difficulties." She took off her helmet, letting her light brown hair drop down around her face. "It's all so different. Tai put so much effort into this place, and ever since Matt left I notice the unity is gone."

"There was never any unity to begin with." Takeru shrugged.

Hikari sighed. "I suppose you're right. Everyone's changing around us, Takeru. Are we blind to see that we are too?"

"What do you mean?" he asked. She shrugged as she slid into the seat next to him. "I don't know. It's just, well, you know that I believe in the perfect world and all of that, and it's shattering around me, around us. Secrets and everything."

"Secrets?" Takeru asked, a little surprised. "_What _secrets?"

"I was just using that as an example." She said quickly.

__

'Careful there. You don't want to hurt Taichi and all those other people do you? Of course not, right? Shut up now, girl, or there will be nothing left, not even shards.'

: -: -: -: -: -:

"See now, that wasn't so bad." He says, smiling his old smile. He was king of the slopes, naturally. All lowly servants had to bow to him, Mimi thought with a laugh, how they complained about her when she was in her mode of being a snobby princess. Those days were long gone and she had striven to become the exact opposite. Now she tugged her scarf firmly about her neck before speaking.

"I never knew that you were an experienced skier, Tai," She replied; yet her eyes traveled to the grey skies and gave a little sigh. "It is all rather pretty, though, don't you think?"

"Hazy." He replied after a moment, confusing her. It wasn't hazy at all, pretty clear, or just cloudy most of the day. Tai then reached for her hand. "It will get dark soon. Let's go back to the cabin and change, then come back to look at the sunset or something."

"If you'd like." She replied with a shrug. Sunsets were nice, she supposed, at any rate, and if he tried to pull a number on her she'd tell him where to go.

: -: -: -: -: -:


End file.
